Conflict management: Advice for students in shared accommodation

Moving into student accommodation can be an emotive experience, often both daunting and exciting.  The most important thing to remember is to start as you mean to go on. 

By setting the ground rules for behaviour early on, you can avoid a lot of conflict further down the line.  If you find yourself experiencing probelms, consider contacting the Mediation Service.

"Don't become the household cleaner!"

It is advisable not to start off in a new house by saying how much you enjoy cleaning or shopping - even if you do.  Not everyone will share your passion for household chores and some people will do anything to avoid them.  By volunteering yourself for a cleaning position, you could find that it swiftly becomes servitude.  Inevitably you will find yourself doing more, whilst your housemates will do less and less.  From the offset it is better to start a discussion about housework and the purchase of household essentials like toilet paper, cleaning products, tooth paste and milk.  Make decisions together and early on so that you get support from the whole house. This means that the group will be united against the inaction of a lazy housemate, rather than the household feeling that you have not lived up to the role you identified for yourself at the start.  You may have enjoyed cleaning at home, but after 2-3 weeks of constantly cleaning up after several fully grown adults the glossy-shine is likely to have worn off.

"Be practical."

Make a rota and start a kitty - by identifying responsibilities from the start it is easier to question people's behaviour when they are not doing their fair share.  Recognise that not all plans will last the distance and be prepared to update rota's as you go along - running a household is a complex process so make incremental changes as you go along until the structure works for everyone.  As long as everyone is focused on making the system work, then a natural order will emerge.

"Don't forget the budget!"

If you have to pay for utility bills in your accommodation then speak to people who have a similar size house or ask your landlord how much quarterly bills are likely to be.  A large proportion of arguments amongst housemates happen over utility bills and the amount that everyone owes.  Agree the rules at the beginning - identify proportions for each housemate and budget your money based on the estimated cost of the bill.  Make sure you have the money when the bill arrives in order to avoid arguments and to qualify for any early payment discounts that your supplier might offer.

"Turn that racket off!"

Another big reason for conflict in shared accommodation is noise.  Think about your housemates and neighbours when considering having a party or generally making noise.  Everyone has the right to have a good time, but just make sure that by exercising your right you don't make someone else miserable.  Think about the community that you live in too; give people close to where you live some warning if you think that something you have planned might impact on them.  Generally people who are told about things in advance are less agitated than when things are sprung on them - it's all about showing a bit of respect and a lot of compassion.

"Clean that mess up!"

Aside from doing your share in the house, be socially responsible in the community as well.  Get your bins put out on time, clean up rubbish in your garden and try to keep your neighbourhood safe for everyone to enjoy.

"But what if things go wrong."

It is inevitable that from time to time something might go wrong, if the problem is a physical issue with your house then in the first instance speak to your land lord.  If the problem is less tangible and is to do with relationships and people in your house then remember there are people who can help.  Both the Dignity & Respect Network and The Mediation Service can help where there are issues of negative behaviour, harassment or conflict.  Also, Leeds Metropolitan University has a range of other support services that might be able to provide assistance in a wide range of situations.  The back pages of this leaflet lists a few that you may find useful.